Solstice Blessings upon you! Here’s a picture of my altar:
It is the last week of 2015. We are at a point of cosmic energetic convergence. But first…
If you think you haven’t heard from me in a while, you’re right. I have been sitting in a cauldron of transformation for the past 10 weeks, working intensely on myself. I didn’t choose this work. It chose me. Maybe you’ve been in your own cauldron, too.
My last missive was at the October (Libra) New Moon—the end of eclipse season. I wrote thease words, not knowing how prophetic they would be for me: “Big changes are afoot, and today is the first day to step onto a new path!”
At the end of that week, I got the news that my mother had had a hemorrhagic stroke in California. Over the next 30 hours, I crashed through 5 airports to get there as soon as I could. That 10-day trip figures in the top 3 most intense experiences of my life (which incidentally includes 4 near-death events). Maybe top 2.
Facing a parent’s mortality is profound, and profoundly unsettling. I bow to you if you’ve been there yourself.
Not only was it unsettling to see my all-powerful mother paralyzed and aphasic, but 2 days into my trip, after a routine medical procedure, she coded because of undetected massive internal bleeding. I had no choice but to haul out my spiritual and healing gifts to serve her, my father and sister, and even myself.
After over 5 years of keeping ironclad boundaries around “what I do” (my mother always gave clear signs of being offended/worried that I had given up her career: she and my father were French professors before me), without thinking, I outed myself in front of all of them.
Space needed to be held. She was standing on a narrow threshold between life and death, and needed to be able to make her own decisions about whether or not to stick around here. As my dad and sister were clustered around her ICU bed, I sat down, emptied myself out, and called in all the guides, angels, and healing Light I could. The shift in energy in the room was palpable.
Later, my sister, in tears, hugged me, saying “I saw you using all your gifts!” That scary, scary night was a remarkable moment of integration of my daughter/sister persona with my professional persona, yes, but it was more than that. It was so eerie and magickal that I still don’t know how to talk about it properly. For about 30 minutes I left the human me behind to fully embody the Universal, Expanded, All-Knowing “beyond-me” that I had conjectured but never fully experienced before.
It was very trippy, and also a Portal or a Gateway. I will Never. Ever. Be the same.
My time in California gave me other things, too. One was a new opening to receiving help. Members of my Oracle Circle and also my then-current CrystalCRUSH program organized healing circles for my mother. I really softened around receiving in a way that I’m eternally grateful for. Beaming gratitude to you for your help.
This time also coincided with receiving more money thanks to very intense ongoing work with a private client who subtly and organically called me to a new way of doing work: part channeling, part holding space, but entirely about calling and holding him to his greatness, especially when his ego wants to run away to something smaller and more comfortable. And because what is done for one is done for all, this work has operated its special magick on me as well.
Finally, one of the take-aways from my California trip was an irritated disc! Hours and hours of sitting in airplanes and airports, and days (and nights) sitting in hospital chairs took their toll. Since my return I haven’t been able to sit for more than 5 minutes without an ice pack, or I go to a pain level of 7+ (ouch!). Standing isn’t a pain-free option either, so I have been semi-recumbent.
I no longer occupy my desk to work, with the result that I’ve been unable to stay focused; wanting to work, yet strangely incapable. It’s hard to type when lying down, so I just… don’t, which is a huge break with my usual practice. And, it’s been liberating. Painful (I keep having to pull myself out of self-judgment) and freeing. A major uplevel, and I don’t yet know where I’m going to land.
There’s more, but I’ll save those stories for another day. I will tell you though, that my mother has been home from the hospital since Thanksgiving Day, speaks clearly though less quickly now in both French and English, and while her right arm is still mostly without sensation, the prognosis is good for some use to return eventually with therapy.
In the meantime, here’s what you need to know about this week:
If you’re in the northern hemisphere, like me, Monday was the Winter Solstice. Winter Solstice is a time of deep reflection and seed-planting for the year to come. It’s like the New Moon, with the Summer Solstice being the Full Moon of the year, when all those seeds come to fruition.
When considering the Winter Solstice, think of a thick blanket of snow: its glittering beauty but also the stillness and silence it calls up. This is the energy of this High Holy Day. Gentle, quiet, reflection and stillness. Purity. Wholeness. Death and Rebirth. Release of the old; embracing the new.
This is a powerful pivot-point in your life. The year 2015 was intense for everybody. Now’s the time to gather and use all the wisdom that you gained.
I invite you to carve out a few hours today to take stock of 2015. Grieve your losses and celebrate your victories. Really feel your feelings. Allow yourself to go deep and receive healing around all of it. With your tally sheet before you, allow your intentions for 2016 to float up to the surface, and then write them down (as for New Moons, no fewer than 3 and no more than 10 are suggested).
Also this week, on Christmas Day no less, the Sun, Moon, Uranus, and Pluto conspire to add tension to this time, which is typically not stress-free in any case. The Sun entered Capricorn on Monday at the Solstice, and on Friday it will be opposite the Moon in Cancer.
Full Moons are always the emotional climax of the month, but this one is intensified by Uranus (still in a tense square to Pluto, the planet of the god/goddess of the Underworld, ruling the death and rebirth cycle, which repeats the Solstice themes). Uranus stations direct on Friday, meaning both that its retrograde cycle is over,* and that the energies of this planet are over-the-top strong on that day!
*Retrograde means that the energies are more present on the inner plane. In my life, this was my cauldron. I was alchemized; transmuted. Now it’s time to be galvanized, and see the results on the outside.
Of course, Cancer (the sign ruled by the Moon) is very emotional. This sign is all about home, comfort, the mother/Mother, nesting, nourishment, nostalgia. Don’t be surprised if you are moved to tears on Christmas Day. You might go ahead and put it on your list of things to expect right now. (Oh, and it’s the first time since Christmas Day in 1977 that this has happened. The next one’s only 19 years away, though.)
Uranus, on the other hand, is all about revolution, radical breaks with the past, futuristic ideas, unrest, the lightning bolt, electricity. It doesn’t always play nice with Cancerian themes of hominess and comfort. In fact, it would prefer to burn the house down and start over with a new (read: better) plan.
With all these elements in place, it will surely be a day to remember, and an excellent way to mark the closing of a year full of surprises and transformation.
May your days be Merry + Bright,
P.S.: If you’re on my email list, look for an email from me before the end of the year announcing a Live Channeling on the topic of Best Practices for Thriving in 2016. Join me to get answers to your questions on the topic, and you can keep the download to listen to over and over as we move through the year. If you’re not on my list go here to join the party. I can’t wait to get cosmic with you!