I’ve been holding out on you…

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Eclipse season is now coming to an end. In so many ways it feels like who I was just a few short months ago has been eclipsed. We have arrived at the final quarter of this incredible year of 2016, and I feel like I’ve been holding out on you. That changes right now.

 

If you’ve been following me for a while, you know that so often I explain what’s going on energetically in the world in terms of how it’s been affecting me. Well, this year I have been so very affected that it’s been all I can do to tell you what’s happening and how to ride the waves of change, without going into how it has been working me over.

 

I often hear from people that they appreciate knowing how things are going down with me—because I ostensibly have a better handle (ha!)—so that they know how to gauge their own energetic sure-footedness in comparison.

 

Dear one, if you think this is narcissistic of me, that’s your right, of course. AND I have a deep, deep surge of compassion for you, because you have likely never experienced the power of having your story witnessed. There is healing magick in witnessing; not only for the teller of the tale but for the sacred witness as well.

 

In either case, I invite you to read on, and hold your judgments until the end. If at that point you don’t like what I’m offering, then do go ahead and unsubscribe.

 

    {Deep Breath}

 

Since the vernal equinox, I haven’t shared much that is of a personal nature because I have been in a huge sea-change of energies, as I imagine you have as well.

 

At the close of the last eclipse season at the end of March, I went to California for a life-changing week of in-person Temple time in the 13Moon Mystery School. You see, I had stepped onto the path of the Initiate Priestess on the Winter Solstice of 2015.

 

I knew it was A Big Deal (I have been on this path in nearly every lifetime and have run scores of mystery schools myself in past lives) but I had no earthly notion of the deep waves of change it would “initiate” in my life. I probably still don’t! I remain deep in the unfolding, but it’s time to unveil some of these things to you.

 

I tell you, stepping into that Temple on the first night was so moving. As I passed the final gateway and was welcomed in, I knew—really for the first time in my life—that I was HOME.

 

Every single day of that week was peak experience after peek experience. Honestly, it felt like multiple orgasms, but on the emotional, psychic, and energetic levels. 

At the end of that heady week, a few things happened:

 

(1) On the afternoon that the temple sisters said good-bye to each other, I got a tattoo. I had never rejected the notion of getting inked out of hand, but didn’t expect myself to desire one enough to go through with it. But this experience had been SO profound—I walked out of there an entirely new person, or the same person stripped of about 100 layers of varnish and masks representing what I thought others wanted me to be—that I wanted the Truth of who I finally knew myself to be to be indelibly etched onto my body. Mostly as a reminder, lest I forget when I got back to my workaday life.

 

(2) The next day, I visited my parents, then in California, before heading home. Honestly, I was worried about how it would be to see my mother for the first time since I left her at the Acute Care center post-stroke, not knowing if she would, or even wanted to, survive. After all of the intense changes for me that week in April, I didn’t know how it would be to see her in person again. In fact, it went better than I could have dreamed—she wasn’t even in judgment of my brand new tattoo, but found it pretty! Despite the fact that her right arm was hanging limp, I was really impressed with how well she was getting along.

 

 

(3) A few days later, as I was waiting at my gate at SFO, I called my husband to remind him of my flight details. He shocked me by saying that the new plan for our future was that we were to be sent to live, not in Luxembourg as we had been told months before, but in Malaysia! There was a burst of anger at not having been consulted, then concern that it would be too far away to get back to the States if one of my parents had a new health crisis, and finally (this all happened in less than 2 seconds) a mix of rage, confusion, grief, and fear about what it would mean for my business—90% of which happens in real time, because I’m that kind of “high touch” person—if I were sleeping when my clients wanted to work with me and vice versa. Would it have to die? Or be “put on hold” for a few years? I am my business and my business is me, so what would it mean to have it go underground for a while? I shuddered to think.

 

(4) The morning after I got home, my 10-year-old daughter saw my tattoo as she was getting up. I asked if she liked it, she said it was pretty and then “it’s just temporary, right?” When I said no, she freaked out. I’m not exaggerating here: she shrieked and howled with grief, hid under the covers, and was so far beyond herself that we had to dress and feed her before school like a 2-year-old. She was a rag doll caught in the depths of despair.  Later that day, talking it through with a member of my Oracle Circle, I realized with gratitude that my daughter’s response to my permanently-altered arm had allowed me to express the grief that I had not yet processed about my own mother, given how proud I was of her ability to get along even without her dominant hand. Wow. What an intense mirroring experience of mother-to-daughter horror.

 

(5) That very night (yes, I had only been home from my trip for 24 hours) I managed to scaffold for myself a very intense experience of feeling cut off from my Temple Sisters. Wha??? Less than 5 days after inking myself as a reminder that I am, always have been, and always will be, a priestess, I felt cast out! It was ultimately about me regaining my sovereignty, but it coincided with a very painful contraction in my business that lasted months. What I didn’t realize when I’d gotten the path of Venus in the sky tattooed on my arm was that now I was, more than ever, energetically connected to the planet and the story of Inanna. As it happened, two days before said inking, Venus had entered the “gate of death by intent” and was passing into the Underworld. In the Innana story, this Queen of Sumeria went into the Underworld and was hanging on a meat hook for months. I was right there with her!

So, at this point you are caught up with where I was in mid-April. Forever changed, stripped down, feeling abandoned (note the nuance), and hanging on a meat hook (read: feeling left for dead and unable to get down). The sensation was that I was “on hold” and could do nothing to improve my lot. Ooooh, boy, was I in denial! I thought I was being surrendered to the situation (that someone else was going to decide when and where I was to move, and in so doing possibly kill my business/me). Really, I was more comatose than surrendered.

 

Guess what? I’m still here in Atlanta, 6 months later. As of today, I continue to have no idea if/when/where we’re moving, but the good news is that I’m no longer suicidal! Because that is where I went when I woke up from my delusion of surrender, about a week before the Summer Solstice. The only thing that kept me from dying that week was the idea that it would be an injustice to completely [bleep] up my daughter for life.

 

So if you think you’ve been through the wringer these past few months, you’re right. And you’re not alone.

 

I was shocked at the depths of despair and victimhood that I could still reach, after all of my spiritual work; after years of standing as a Beacon of Light. Dumbfounded that my connection with the Universe—that thing which had carried me through so many near-death experiences and phoenixesque rebirths—seemed to be severed. Who was I if I couldn’t feel my heart radiating Love out to the entire planet and beyond??? Hell, I couldn’t feel my heart at all. I had become numb.
I was in pure existential crisis.

 

And then, on the Summer Solstice, that greatest of acupressure points in the Wheel of the Year, it all changed. The seeds that I had planted at the Winter Solstice (the equivalent of the New Moon of the year)—stepping onto the priestess path and choosing the theme of Sovereignty for the year to come—those seeds were in full (moon) blossom.

 

I chuckled with wry laughter that in the moment of choosing at the Winter Solstice, I had actually asked for an ego-death. In order to learn what true sovereignty was, I had had to be stripped of every vestige of personal power that I had. (Again, the story of the Descent of Innana comes to mind. No wonder I had to have the Star of Venus as the motif of my tattoo!)

On the day of brightest light, I plugged back into the heart of the Universe, and into my own heart, as well. I had to assert myself in my priestess circle, at the risk of truly being shunned and shut out (not just in my own mind), because holding back my Truth there was what had caused me to shut down, numb out, disconnect, and want to die in the first place.

 

Slowly but surely, the cogs and wheels of my life and my passion, which had felt rusted and frozen, were starting to turn once more. By the time Venus/Innana emerged from the Underworld on 13 July, I was ready to start co-creating my life again, and re-claim my crown of Sovereignty. Thirteen, of course, is the sacred number of Venus and the Divine Feminine. Ahhhh… everything falls back into place.

* * *

 

I was recently reminded to go back to listen to the Live Oracle Transmission I brought through on the 3rd of January, about the best ways to flourish during this potent year. Here is the initial message from the Akashic Record Keepers:

“The best way to flourish in 2016 is just to keep a smile on your face & joy in your heart. There are plenty of opportunities to feel anguished, stressed, angry, perturbed, frightened, or even threatened. And yet, the best way to flourish in 2016 is to recognize that every time you might feel one of those ways, to feel the feeling (dance/shake/cry it out) and then know that you aren’t imprisoned by it. Those feelings are there to point you to something, but you do not need to stay locked inside them. Every time you’re feeling an uncomfortable feeling, the two steps to take are (1) feeling the feeling until it leaves your body and (2) knowing that you can always choose joy. Joy is always a viable choice. Listen to the message of the feeling and take the action suggested. Then return to choosing joy.”

 

The energy we were all in when I channeled this was one of eager anticipation of the year to come.

 

Now, three-quarters of the way through this turning-point year, it’s like we’re all veterans home from the Front, hobbling on crutches or with bandaged heads, still reeling from shellshock before heading back to the trenches.

 

Let me remind us (I need to hear it, too) that we chose to be here at this critical juncture. We have all been preparing ourselves for lifetimes for this very moment. We came here not merely to be witnesses to this crossroads in history, but to turn the tide.

 

We are the ones we’ve been waiting for.

 

 

In this same channeling (you can get it here if you don’t have it already), the Keepers shared that another name for Lightworkers was “soldiers for peace and Love.” We need to keep soldiering on, which is to say, shining our Lights and opening our hearts in the face of the seriously scary sh*t that’s going down out there.

 

On this day of the first US presidential debate, let me say this: Our Love, Wisdom, and Truth can tip the balance of fear and manipulation. These are the Lightworkers’ trump cards.

 

 

 

 

And finally, some more good news! Today (Monday) the Sun was conjunct Jupiter in Libra. This will be radiating joy and expansion throughout the week, and indeed throughout the coming month of October. This is a time of infinite possibilities. Leverage this period to change your life for the better, especially if it is YOUR work in the world to change the lives of others for the better. (Can you feel that in your heart? I sure can.)

Tomorrow (Tuesday), too, is extra-special: a rare 9-9-9-9 code day—full of completions so that you can ready yourself for the new energies to come. Ask yourself what you have outgrown, and consciously let those things (ideas, habits, relationships, occupations, distractions, etc.) go so that the upgrade that is waiting just outside the door has room to come in.

 

Remember, beloved, that now that I am back and more magickal than ever, I am always pulling for you. No. Matter. What. I trust that you can feel my presence beside you as you stretch your wings to fly.

 

Own Your Magick,

P.S.: If you’re new to my list and want to know more about the Akashic Records (or even if you’re not new), I’ve recorded a couple of calls for you to listen to here and here. If you’re feeling called by them–I am an awakener of those who are called to engage with or even channel Records–please reach out to me by clicking reply. Deep bow!

 

 

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